As April brought its bright and sunny weekend, with trees finally blooming.. pink, red and white and some light green, I set out on a road trip along the coastal line of Massachusetts, driving through Providence, Rhode Island and finally planned on reaching New York..

One of the reasons for going to New York, this weekend was the joy of meeting Big B after all these days.. more than an year now. But before that, I stopped to meet ‘Him’, the one I met last weekend in the most unusual clubs…we have been planning for this short stop for a week now and it was an welcome change to meet someone for an evening walk.. on the banks of the Charles River.. The birds, ducks and the people on the boats.. made the evening more serene. We talked as we took a walk on the boston side, overlooking the cambridge on the other side.


I finally touched upon the question. ‘How long were you in relationship?’. I was cautious to not sound very personal, because my intent was more to find out how easy or difficult it is to have a queer relationship. He, as I got to know is a very adaptable person, great to get along with and is passionate about his interest in books and ceramics.

After a long pause he said, ‘…. it lasted for twenty years.’ I was waiting to hear more, though I am sure my face had expressed its question…. ‘How can one fall out of a relationship after twenty years… ?’

As if he knew what I wanted to ask, he told me ‘.. Of course this is my version of the story. I was unhappy for five years before falling out. The relationship had become one sided, and as years passed by, I felt as if he was not listening to me. It is amazing how one can feel more lonely with a person than being alone.. Do you know what I am saying..’ He asked.

I really didn’t know what that felt like, may be since I was never with a guy for that long. But I wondered, how can you be unhappy for five years and still live with it.. ‘I was hoping that things will work out… but they did not.’

It puzzled me how some one so adaptable could end up in a fall-out such traumatic, but I guess things just happen.. or do they?

He obviously had become very comfortable now living by himself. (This is something I can relate myself with. Being alone isn’t same as being lonely.. I do enjoy being alone. After all, life is more than just finding that one companion. There are other things to sparkle the love and emotions..)

May be I shouldn’t have asked him that question I thought, but then it is a fact and talking about it doesn’t make it any worse. As he put it.. ‘.. he was much happier now, instead of living a lie that his relationship was working, which was more stressful.’

As I was talking to him, I could see where his hope possibly could lead him. A few weeks ago, I met this newly engaged couple in their late fourties, who met an year ago. Now they have a new house on a hill overlooking a beautiful valley. And there was something between them that sent out the message, there is hope for love.

….

The next day, I was at the G Lounge in New York waiting for Big B to come. We have exchanged a few messages in the past, but never really met. I know him as one of the most confident guys and his travels fascinate me. He is truely a global person, traveling all over the world and having a really good time.

As we sat there in one of the corners talking about his latest trips to South America and the etc., I asked him if he was going to a party later that night.. He surprised me by saying, ‘I am keeping myself out of parties for a while.’

‘Living in new york and not partying? Is this a fall out from a date?’, I couldn’t help but blurt. He laughed. ‘No, I am just bored of the parties and the people I meet here..’

Well, it contradicts what I have thought about urban guys. Partying is a great way to meet cool people and I guess I am being naive at this point. As we talked about it a little more, he said ‘..people here are not so much interested in dating and relationships. They are mostly looking to get into the pants and once they are done, they would like to move on and find someone new.’

OK. Now that was like hitting me on the head. I have done it myself and I think it as a phase. Well, may be for some the phase never phases out. It is like Alcohol. Don’t get addicted to it. As my thoughts started to wander there, I pulled myself back to what he was saying..

‘.. people are not perfect you know. the moment they see some imperfection, they try to move on and find someone else. And in new york, it is so easy to get sex.’

Well, thats true. I thought to myself. Even at that instant I could tell there were eyes looking at us, and all we had to do was to smile back and say hello.. Oh, it is not just at the parties, sometimes all it takes is asking a question to a total stranger or walking into my friends room with a gay room mate while the friend is away..

‘So are queer relationships that hard in urban cities?’ And it occurred to me, my friends who are in relationships are indeed living in sub-urban cities…

Before we drifted on to different topics, he mentioned.. ‘when I moved to new york a few years back, there was this nice guy who was interested in dating. But I thought it was too early to date, since I will be spending more time with my old friends here and not have much time for dating. Also, I wanted to look around a little bit.. And now I think that was stupid.. He now has a new boy friend..’

I didn’t know how to respond to this, given the statistics doesn’t it seem possible that he still has a chance with that guy, with the frequent break-ups or should I believe that, the nice guy finally found another nice guy and they would get along..

And thats when we changed to topic back to country music and the latest song ‘Red High Heels’, on a funny breakup by Kellie Pickler…

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