Having sat there for a while watching the ship disappear, it was the caffeine call that finally led my way towards the city. While wandering through the financial district and downtown, and I started craving for apple flitter with a grande cappuccino. So made my way through to the star bucks, the place we first met at the corner of the boston commons.

Took the apple flitter to go and sipping the cappuccino, i walked across commons towards public gardens. The warmth of the morning sun had a soothing feeling and i settled for a bench next to the japanese lantern on the rock near the lake.

The juliet and juliet, the infamous lesbian swans of boston were being fed by kids along with pigeons and  ducks. The bench across the pond, where we sat that night holding hands together was now occupied by three men in their late forties, quite engrossed in a discussion.. wonder what..

It was getting quite busy with kids running around and parents catching up with them,  elderly couple enjoying the morning stroll and an occasional jogger in tights circling the track. As I looked around, I saw a squirrel standing on his two legs, staring at me. After the moments pleasure of seeing it, it occurred to me that it is the apple flitter that it was interested in. I threw a bite towards him. He immediately jumped for it, sniffed it and walked away from it, searching for his type of food.

How was it so sure what it wanted to have? It all took less than a few seconds and I was still staring at that left behind bite. It obviously will get picked up by some one else either a duck or a crow of eventually by ants.

The questioning, started when a close friend of mine suddenly called him my boy friend. I wanted to still call him a date, but my argument didn’t stand up to the facts that we have been seeing each other exclusively since we met about four months ago.  He rested his  case by saying -‘ for the rest of the word that is being boy friend’. What is freaking me out about this whole concept of turning a date into a boy friend. Am I having the famous ‘commitment issues’ here?

I had always thought, ‘commitment issue’ was an easy way of getting out of a complex situation without having to explain the need for break up. That seemed to do the trick in the past, when I had no intention of continuing with a certain someone. But this is the guy whom I like and who stood by me when I needed someone. Of course there are differences and the lessons from the veterans in relationships resound profoundly – ‘no one is perfect, relationships are hard’.

Just then, with half the flitter still in my hand, I watched an european tourist with a back pack occupy the lantern rock. He placed the pack next to him, and was going through his tour guide. I was enjoying the sight of his features under the sun and then he pulled out his cigarette. A quick turn off for me and I turned my face towards the bridge, now watching a dad wearing shorts, blabbering something to his four year old. I for one didn’t care what he was saying and I doubt the kid did either…What mattered to me was he was decently hot for a straight dad in late thirties and that turned me on. Or should the fact that he was a dad matter to me?

It was the fun of cruising, finding and checking the guys I have fallen in love with. I had places to go, enjoy exploring and experiencing. Calling someone my boy friend suddenly seemed to take that all away and bind me down to one place one person. May be this is where open relationships come into picture, but right now that whole idea does not interest me either.

Well, there are times when I feel like being with one guy, but thats just for a certain time and obviously today was not one of those days. Is there anything called emotional hookup like a sexual hookup? Can you hookup with someone when you desire to be with someone emotionally and then part ways when the need is met? I guess not, at least not in the fairly tales.. boy meets boy, boy falls in love, boy and boy live forever..

The forever is what sends a chill.. calling someone a boy friend means there is an implicit assumption that it is going to last forever, and when it is turning otherwise there is an episode of break-up. The pain that causes the one that doesn’t want to break-up and the one that wants to break….

Does happily ever after ever happen? If relationships are hard and they need to be constantly worked and re-worked, why make believe that happily ever after exists. Why don’t the fairy tales just preach living in the moment?